All the feelings, all the emotions, which brings all the more ADHD in this hot mess mind of mine. Life is a tricky thing. Life is a hard thing, but most of all.... life is so damn beautiful.
One week away from an age that I could not wait to be. Fifteen years ago, I could not wait until I reached this age. I have no idea why. It seemed like such a cool and mature age to be. I thought people respected you more when you got to a certain age, and maybe I thought this was that starting point. We all know that is load of crap.
There were days and times where I didn't think I would ever even make it to this age, but yet.... here I am. Almost there.
For the last seven months or so, I started working with a new VP in my department, and she is amazing. BUT- she constantly tells me I am obsessed with age. That I think age is so important and I should not think of it like that. I always ask what people's ages are, even though I know it is slightly rude, I am just curious. Again, I think age used to be a sign of maturity and some respect. For example, " Once you are (enter some age), you deserve more respect." I laugh at myself for thinking that. I know some people thirty years or older than myself, that I would never respect.
My VP is one of those sweet, little gorgeous, pint-sized ladies who you would never be able to guess how old she is. She works out, takes care of herself and has the same horrible coffee obsession as I do, (maybe that is why we get along so well). She probably tells me every day to stop talking about age, it really is just a silly number. I don't know why I think I about it so often. My husband is almost ten years older than me, most of my good friends are at least five to seven years older than me, maybe I just feel like I am older, who knows.
I stopped celebrating my birthday really about fifteen years ago. My aunts, son, mom, grandfather and my birthday all fall within ten days of each other, and once my grandfather passed, it was never the same. He was my best friend. I was his favorite, and if you ask anyone in my family, they'd tell you the same thing. It just doesn't seem the same and I just don't enjoy celebrating as much as I used to since we all used to celebrate together. Some years, the pain is too much, some years, I just don't feel like it.
I have decided, starting today, age is just a silly number.
Age doesn't define me. I am and still will be a hot mess most days, say things that most of the time that doesn't make a lick of sense, laugh at my own jokes because they are funny to me. I will continue to laugh so hard until I almost pee my pants, I will say things without thinking because my filter doesn't work most of the time. I will never stop loving hard, I will never stop speaking up for things I am passionate about. I will forever be obsessed with funny and random coffee cups and lipstick. I will continue to be the loud one cheering at a sports game with a beer in my hand even if I have no idea what is going on. I will forever be the girl who dances when everyone is watching, even though I look like I may be seizing instead of dancing, I will forever be the girl who puts her kids first and never knows how to slow down, the girl who will be a stranger's biggest fan. The quirky, weird, loves her imperfections, random girl... that's me.
She will always be proud of who she is, how far she has come and where she is going. She is pretty damn cool, if you ask me. She will be her; she will keep pushing forward.
She is me.
We should wake up EVERY SINGLE DAY and just be glad we have another day, count the blessings that are put in front of us. Life happens every day no matter how old we are, what age we are and if we are ready or not. Life does NOT wait around for us to catch up. So, here's to another day of living your greatest life and appreciating each moment, so here's to another trip around the sun, so here's to one week away to the year of forty.
And so, she did.... get comfortable and accepting of every age she will become.